


Lost and Confused

by TsiaBonasera



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 18:19:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19835908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsiaBonasera/pseuds/TsiaBonasera
Summary: How can one person change your life so fundamentally, that you'd risk everything to save them. Alex/Olivia throughout.





	1. Chapter 1

Olivia Benson was not a woman who dwelled. Well, not anymore. She had moved past the stage in her life where dwelling on things did anything but exhaust her. So letting go was what she decided was the best thing for her own mental health. It’s easy to dwell when the people that you care about keep leaving you, but it’s also easy to lose yourself in that dread. So moving forward is what she decided to do. Every day she would put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, despite everything behind her trying to pull her back in. She needed to do this, for the sake of herself, and Noah. They both deserved uninhibited happiness, and by god was she going to try and give that to them. No matter the cost. It was around this time years ago that she decided her dating life was no longer something she wished to peruse. Too many bad choices, bad experiences, bad people. She couldn’t force her bad decisions on her son, and with her track record, all of her partners had been bad decisions. Sans a few that she was confident were just bad timing, and not a bad decision. But it didn’t matter anymore, since that part of her life was completely off the table. She barely had any free time as it was, and she did not want any of that time to be taken away from Noah. Olivia Benson was content with her little family. She didn’t need anything else to make it whole. She had everything she could ever had wanted. But not dwelling did not mean she couldn’t occasionally look back and feel a sense of sadness at what she has lost. It just meant she would only allow herself to feel that sadness briefly before packing the sadness away and moving forward again, until another moment of weakness lapsed in the future.

It was a slow day at the precinct, which is what had launched this train of thought in the first place. Olivia had finished her paperwork for the day over an hour ago and it was only two o’clock. But she had to stay at least another two hours before she could leave. Staring out into the bullpen she saw Amanda laughing at something Carisi had said, as she took a sip from her coffee cup. Fin was doing something on his computer that was almost surely not work related. She glanced back around her own desk, hoping she had somehow missed a file the last three times she looked, so at least she’d have something to do. She couldn’t even call Stone to prep for any trials. Briefly, she entertained the idea of calling it a day and sending everyone home early. But she knew if she did that, it would come back to bite her in the ass, probably along the lines of a midnight case call tonight. She took one last glance around her office and decided she needed some more coffee if she was going to stay awake through the rest of this slow day.  
  
Olivia pushed her chair back, and stood up from her desk. She ran her fingers through her hair aimlessly as she walked through her office door and towards the coffee pot in the corner of the bullpen.  
  
“Hey Liv, we got anything?” Amanda asked hopefully.

“I wish...” Liv trailed off as she reached for a paper cup, and then the coffee carafe.  
  
“On the bright side it means nothing particularly bad is going down right now, so us being bored is actually a good thing.” Carisi said with a smile, trying to cheer them up.  
  
“You’re right.” Amanda replied, giving him a small smile in return.

“Okay I’m calling it, if nothing comes in by three-thirty you can all go home.” Liv said, before blowing on her steaming coffee.  
  
“Can’t we just go home now Liv?” Fin finally joined the conversation.  
  
“No, because if I send you all home right now I know we’re going to catch a case the second you are all out the door.” Liv replied, as she walked back into her office.

Olivia set her coffee down on the edge of her desk and looked around her office again. Nothing even needed to be tidied up. There was absolutely nothing that needed to be done, and it was killing her. Boredom never suited her. For as long as she could remember she always needed to be doing something. Which is why she spent most of her pre-Noah years, at the office. She was known for staying at work so much that for a few years she did all of Elliot's paperwork as well, so he could go home to his family, and so she’d have something to do. After he had disappeared she had switched over to going to the bar after work for a while. But quickly realized that that was going to lead her down one path that she so gravely did not want to go down. After that wake up call she had tried to get herself into meditation and yoga for a very, very short time. But she couldn’t turn her mind off long enough to get any sort of benefit from either, besides a slightly increased flexibility. That’s when she had turned to reading as her hobby. It was the perfect mix of relaxation and a distraction for her mind. She had continued the trend of reading in her spare time up until Noah came into her life, and then for a short time after. But now-a-days she mostly read children's books to, and with Noah. Then again, she didn’t really need a hobby anymore, she had a son, who took up all of her free time. Which she loved dearly.  
  
However, her son was not here at the moment for her to dote on, so she desperately needed to find something to do. She was about to sit back down, when she caught a glimpse of a very frantic young woman walking into the squad room.  
  
She saw the girl look around, clearly distressed about something. Liv quickly walked out of her office, and just as she was passing through the door she heard the girl speak.  
  
“I need to find Olivia Benson, where is she?”  
  
Liv was taken aback for a second, before she continued to the young woman.  
  
“I’m Olivia Benson, how can I help you?”  
  
“Prove it.” The girl said curtly, yet her voice trembling.  
  
“Excuse me?”   
  
“Prove you’re Olivia Benson. Where’s your identification?” The girl asked, looking around the room again.  
  
Liv let out a low scoff before saying “Why don’t you follow me into this interview room, I’ll get my ID and then we can talk okay?”  
  
“I don’t have time for that!” The girl shouted, startling them both, and raising the heads of everyone else in the bull pen.  
  
“Okay sweetheart I need you to calm down and tell me what happened, did someone do something to you?”  
  
“No nothing happened to me, but I need your help!” She said hurriedly, before walking straight into Olivias office, leaving Liv by herself.  
  
“Everything okay?” Carisi asked, standing up.  
  
“I got it Carisi.” Liv said before following the girl into her office, only to find her pacing in it.  
  
“Okay how about we start with a name...what’s your name?” Olivia asked lightly.

“Maya.”   
  
“Okay what happened to you, why did you need to find me?” Olivia questioned.  
  
“Nothing happened to me, it’s my mom she’s missing.” Maya said, halting her pace and looking Liv in the eyes.  
  
“Okay, how long has she been missing?”

  
“Since ten thirty-four last night.” Maya replied exactly.  
  
“Okay that’s not that long ago, but I’ll take you over to the precinct that deals with missing persons. I don’t know who told you to come here, but this is Special Victims Unit.” Olivia explained, taking a step toward the girl.  
  
“You don’t get it, she never doesn’t come home. She always. Comes. Home. She texted me last night at ten thirty-four that she was leaving work and she’d be home soon, and when I woke up this morning she still wasn’t home. She doesn't do that she always comes home.” Maya said, her voice shaking as she fought back the tears that were glistening in her eyes.  
  
“It’s gonna be okay sweetie alright, I’m gonna take you over to the right place and they can take care of you over there.” Liv said, trying to guide the girl out of the office, but she wouldn’t move.  
  
“NO!” Maya shouted, “My mom specifically said if something ever happened to her I should find you. That’d you’d help.” Maya said, taking a step further away from the office door.  
  
“Who’s your mom?” Liv asked, confused.  
  
“Alexandra Cabot.”


	2. Chapter 2

“No...Alex doesn’t have a kid, especially not a teenager. How old are you?” Olivia asked, beginning to get defensive.

“She adopted me five years ago. And since I’ve never met you I’m gonna assume there’s a lot more about her that you don’t know.” Maya said, narrowing her eyes.

“Wait- so Alex is missing?” Olivia asked quickly, her eyes widening.

“YES! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! She never came home last night and she wouldn’t do that!” Maya all but yelled.

“Okay...Let’s try calling her work, or well, the people that she works with...Maybe she just slept at her office, or wherever she goes to do her work...” Olivia trailed off, not knowing how much this girl knew about her mothers work.

“She’s working for a non-profit law initiative right now defending women and children in domestic abuse cases who can’t afford lawyers so they don’t end up with hack job public defenders.” Maya relayed, “But don’t bother I already checked, the office doorman says she left at ten thirty-one and she didn’t come back. I had him check the cameras just in case...she walked away from the building and never came back. The camera cuts out of view past the buildings entrance though. So all I know is that she left work, managed to walk three minutes to send me the text and no one has seen her since. Now are you going to help me or not?” Maya asked desperately, staring at Liv.

“I...” Liv started, trying to figure out what to say, as so much new information was being thrown at her from the most unexpected source, “Yes, I’ll help you.”

“Good,” Maya started, her piercing stare softening slightly, “Now let’s go.” She finished, before quickly walking out of Liv’s office and into the bullpen. 

“Maya wait, where are we going?” Liv asked, following behind the girl.

“I don’t know but sitting at this police station isn’t going to bring her back, so I’m not staying here.” Maya said, stopping once she reached the elevators.

“Sweetie listen to me, you already did your part, now let me do my job.” Olivia said, reaching out to grab the girls elbow.

“No! I’m not going to sit around and watch. I want to help!” Maya practically screamed, gaining the attention of everyone in the hallway, including Fin and Carisi who had followed as well.

“The best thing for you to do now, is to stay here in case she turns up. She’ll know where to find you then, if she told you to find me.” Olivia explained softly.

“You don’t understand. I can help. I know information about her cases If someone involved in one of them is responsible for this, you’ll need my help to find them.” Maya said, challenging Liv.

“And if that becomes the case, then I will gladly let you help. But right now you’re emotional, and stressed and you can’t do any good to her in that state.” Olivia tried to reason with her, “Now please, just come back to my office and we’ll sit down and talk. We can get a clear time frame of everything and then we can work out the next move. Together.” 

“Fine.” Maya said curtly, walking back into Liv’s office.

“What’s that about?” Amanda asked when Liv walked back into the bullpen.

“Amanda put out a missing persons bulletin for Alexandra Cabot, Fin and Carisi go to her office and talk to the doorman and get the security footage, we need to confirm Maya’s story. I’ll text you the address in a minute, start heading for the garage.”

“Cabot is missing?” Amanda said, shocked, “Who’s the kid?” 

“Her daughter.” Liv said flatly, walking back into her office and closing the door.

Liv watched as Maya paced her office once again, trying to get a read on the mysterious girl that had just turned her world upside down.

“Maya I need to ask you some questions, and they’re going to seem intrusive but they’re just questions to help me get more information all right?” Olivia said, trying to catch her eyes to stop her from pacing.

“Okay...” She said hesitantly, before sitting down on the couch opposite of the desk.

“Does Alex have a normal routine with work? Does she leave at the same time every morning and come home at the same time every night?” Olivia asked, after taking out her cellphone to record the conversation. 

“No, she leaves at the same time in the morning to walk with me to school, unless she has an early morning in court...then she leaves and has a car service drop me off.” Maya explained, pulling the sleeves of her shirt over her hands nervously. 

“And what about coming home? Does she come home at the same time every night?” Olivia asked again.

“No. That changes every day. But she always comes home before midnight, and she always texts me when she’s leaving. I can’t go two hours without getting a text from her, she always makes sure that I know where she is, and she knows where I am.” Maya explained.

“That seems a little odd, you’re what...sixteen? And she walks you to school and texts you every two hours.” Olivia said accusingly, narrowing her eyes.

“Stop it.” Maya said forcefully, staring directly into Olivia’s eyes. “I don’t care if that seems overbearing to you, but it’s the truth, ask anyone in our building. They know what a good mom she is. I see you have a kid,” Maya said, gesturing towards the picture of Noah on the desk, “Are you going to stop caring about his safety when he is a teenager?” She shot back.

Liv narrowed her eyes, staring at her for a moment in silence.

“I don’t know how you know her, or even how long ago you knew her. But I can’t imagine why she’d tell me to come to you for help, if all you’re going to do is question me about my family, and her intentions.” Maya said, standing up and turning towards the door.

“Maya wait,” Liv said, stopping her in her tracks, “I know I don’t know anything about you, or your life with Alex. But please, come sit back down.” Liv pleaded.

“How do you know my mom?” Maya asked curtly, sitting back down.

“We’ve worked together on and off for a very long time.” Liv explained simply. 

“How long?” Maya countered.

“Over twenty years.” 

“And you’re good at your job?” Maya asked, the hardness from her voice wavering slightly.

“I like to think so, yes.” Liv replied softly. 

“I need you to promise me that you’re going to do everything you can to get her back.” Maya said, staring at Liv with pleading, but fierce eyes.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if this story interests you and want me to keep going! It's been an idea that's been sitting in my head, and on my computer for about a year now....


End file.
